Nouveau Vendimia

Ghost Town

2011-11-07T21:22:00.000-08:00

About a month ago, I traveled back down to my Southern roots that hold down ancient oak trees covered in Spanish moss on the Florida/Georgia border. A second cousin was getting married. The preacher was wearing a skin tight pink ensemble and lots of bottle blonde. There was already a child out of wedlock, lots of country karaoke, and the only nonalcoholic beverage offered was sweet tea. My mom almost made me miss my flight back, but she made up for it beforehand by line dancing in cowboy boots and exclaiming, "I put my britches on backwards!"

While I was there, my brother and I walked around the tiny town and snapped a few pictures. It literally has one gas station, one corner store, two restaurants, two churches, and the tiniest fire station and library I've ever seen. All within one mile of each other. There are pictures of me by the train tracks, but don't let that fool you. The train hasn't stopped there for years.

Johnny is my deceased great grandfather I never met. Dorothy is my still kicking sassy great grandmother. Bobo is what they named every one of their four children. Or their dog. I can't remember.

My great grandmother's ancient wrap-around front porch with original 80 year old seating.

The original bridezillas, from left to right: Belinda, Great Aunt Once Removed; Brenda Breeze, Great Aunt; Barbara Anne, Grandmother; Linda, Great Aunt.

This was my favorite photo in the house. It's of my grandmother, my aunt [the little one], and my mother in the 70s. I love what they are wearing, especially my mother's outfit.

And then there's this.

Leave it to your great grandmother's house

to remind you what you looked like with hair a decade ago.

Spilling my guts on Halloween

2011-10-30T11:00:00.000-07:00

'Twas the morning before the Saturday night before Halloween,

When all through Brooklyn

Not a creature was stirring, not even a Subway rat

The sexy costumes were hung by the radiator with care,

In hopes that some dick would soon be in there;

The sluts were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of dancing half naked ran through their heads;

And Mike in his hoodie, and me in my puffy coat,

Had just walked outside for a mid-morning coffee,

When out on the street there arose such a sight,

I held out my hands, and much to my delight,

It was fucking snowing in October! A LOT.

Here's to hoping Halloween sluts melt in snow.

[Also, I know this was a spoof on a Christmas poem, but I just watched "The Nightmare Before Christmas", and it's blizzarding already, so I'm a little confused.]

But yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong. I don't have anything wrong with looking sexy or being a slut. What I have something against is wearing lingerie and a themed hat in public and calling it a costume. What I can't stand, is when something is made sexy that IS NOT SEXY. BY ANY MEANS. A police officer wears pants, thank you very much. A rabbi would never be caught dead in a corset. Raggedy Anne is a children's toy for Christ's sake. If you want to dress like a slut, that's fine, but just admit you are going as a stripper. I will not have you ruin Harry Potter for me, just so you can add to your venereal disease collection or the plethora of pictures of you kissing girls on the internet.

So here's me, "spilling my guts".

I picked up a nude body suit and tights from American Apparel, and some fake intestines and a jug of blood from a costume shop. I sewed an uneven line down a leg of the tights, cut of the excess, turned it inside out, stuffed it with muslin fabric, and soaked it in fake blood. I also strategically drenched myself in the mess. I hot glued/safety pinned the plastic fake intestines I bought to the leotard. Then I proceeded to dry myself and the intestines I made for what seemed like way too many spooky jams and hot apple ciders later. I had to wear a huge, waterproof puffy coat over my ensemble, so I needed to make sure I wouldn't freeze my tits off or ruin my coat. Once everything was dry, I hand sewed the rest of the intestines onto the leotard, making sure to drape them ever so disgustingly.

What I wore under my enormous, green, Arctic conditions, extremely unsexy monster puffy coat...

Happy Halloween!

Even to the sexy sluts! Just remember, there will be someone like me coming up behind you and trying to hump your bare ass with their intestines.

Back to School Vibes

2011-09-13T20:51:00.000-07:00

"I like your friend."

"Which one?"

"The one with the boy haircut."

Says the dude I talked to for a total of ten minutes, which mostly consisted of him showing off photos of himself as a goth teenager with a face full of makeup, platform boots, and sushi placed strategically all over his naked body.

"OkCupid says we're compatible. Does she get on there anymore?"

Says the dude who trimmed his pubes in the bathroom, while my friends and I were right outside making fun of the Bachelorette. Yes, he left them in the toilet without flushing.

"I think she has a boyfriend."

So it's that time of year again. Unless of course you are like me, and a 24 year old professional intern with a Bachelor's Degree in NYC. But that doesn't mean we can't take advantage of low-maintenance school boy haircuts, book bags, and petitioning idiotic clothing companies to remove toxic stereotype-inducing, school related graphics from their tee shirts.

Last night this outfit accompanied me to another fun-filled night at Drag Queen Bingo. I actually ended up winning the first game, and my best friend was only underwear and knee high boots away from being completely naked on stage. My prize was a ceramic apple and a box of Junior Mints, which seemed great until I found out the next prize was a couple of hand towels covered in the faces of kittens and puppies.

denim button-up: thrifted dress I amputated // leopard print skirt: thrifted, but looks homemade // beaded belt: Fox & Fawn Vintage // sandals: Jeffrey Campbell

backpack: stared at it for half an hour trying to convince myself I needed another bag in the San Juan, Puerto Rico Airport

Here are some of the vomit inducing sexist tees I was speaking of earlier. The ones on the left have apparently already been removed because there are a good number of self-respecting, decent human beings in this world that aren't afraid of letting JC Penney and Forever 21 know how insulting/terrifying/unacceptable this is. Although to the best of my knowledge the ones on the right are still out there poisoning the minds of our youth for less than $15. But what's most disturbing, is that these items actually made it from an idea, to production, all the way to being on the shelves and within the grasp of girls ages 7 to 17. I work for a children's clothing design company, and I know how many people a design has to go through to get approved. The fact that no one is opposing this obviously demeaning garbage is quite horrifying. That is why everyone should sign this petition to show that the companies' review process is flawed, and must be improved, so that this never happens again. By the way, before it got pulled, this is how JC Penney decided to market that "I'm too pretty to be smart" tee: "Who has time for homework when there's a new Justin Bieber album out? She'll love this tee that's just as cute and sassy as she is." Seriously? Way to make me physically ill, JCPenney. I mean, you're pretty much promoting bulimia as well at this point.

JC PENNEY:

marketed to young girls

FOREVER 21:

marketed to teenage girls

And here is a glamour shot of my baby Boobie to calm your infuriated nerves/congratulate you on signing that petition!

WORDS

2011-03-19T21:16:00.000-07:00

My grandmother gave me this shirt when I was 14.

Also, here are some things that have been on my mind the past month...

"I wonder how many starving children we could have saved instead of having the Super Bowl and that insanely gratuitous half time show. I bet we could have cured cancer and invented teleportation and resurrected unicorns by now if it weren't for this crap. Just sayin'."

"Valentine's Day is only fun when you're a single cynic or dating a romantic. Otherwise it's just unnecessarily disappointing and way too pink."

"You know you've reached another level in your relationship when you can floss the broccoli out of your teeth with your boyfriend's freshly plucked facial hair."

"I just applied for a job in Social Work: What working in the fashion industry + watching too much Law & Order: SVU will do to you."

"Every day is gone so quickly. And each one equally as empty. When all else fails, at least I have a cat to spoon."

"I just had to give the ladies in abercrombie a simple math tutorial when returning something for work. Three of them couldn't figure out something that I realized just from overhearing their conversation. I think the intense cologne fumes in there are starting to eat away at their pretty little brains."

"One day children will no longer exist. We will be birthing tiny, robotic adults, painted in makeup and hair dye and eating disorders, their innocence raped by how the internet and pop culture and technology fuels the overzealous need to be noticed and fit in at the same time. Parents that take an interest and communicate with their children, I thank you. I want to see kids laughing in trees fifty years from now. I want the imagination to be more than just a figment."

and finally...

"Spring has unearthed all sorts of confusing combos. One being Birkenstock thong sandals & fishnet stockings. It also never fails to resurrect the belly shirt. Mothers of small children not excluded."

AND I WILL LEAVE YOU WITH THIS:

Pleather & Lace

2011-02-06T13:38:00.000-08:00

I wore this last night thinking I was headed to a 90s Grunge Prom Party, but my girlfriend wasn't feeling up to it, and the boys apparently aren't as into dancing to Spice Girls and Nirvana in flannel and lace as I am. So I stayed home with the dudes and watched nightmare inducing movies involving serial killers and incest. Clearly I need some more girl friends. Also, the skull charm's jaw is articulated, and can chomp down on unsuspecting pinkies and flies and miniature pastries and things. Then to keep up with the theme, my boots' heel also became articulated at some point during the night, and was snacking on large amounts of snow and mud and causing a racket every time I took a step.

skull necklace w/ articulated jaw: DIY w/ charm I found

boots: TODS thrifted at Goodwill for $15

green army jacket: Urban Outfitters

tights & socks: American Apparel

kitten backpack: gift from the boy

blue flannel: thrifted forever ago

pleather jacket: free from UO

pleather shorts: Forever 21

lace corset: thrifted

Modern Cat Lady

2011-02-01T21:39:00.000-08:00

So lately I've been trying to organize the results of my life-long hoarder's disease, and decide what to keep, what to give to charity, what to incinerate, and last but not least, what to sell to you lovely people on my Etsy site. Anyway, this little plaid patchwork Marc Jacobs number jumped out at me from one of my many dust covered boxes I had shipped up here from Florida. I had gotten it off the internet for super cheap [cheap as designer standards go, anyway] at least five years ago. I've barely ever worn it though, because apparently designers design clothes for models and people with torsos twice as tall as mine. My frame is just too miniscule, and gets swallowed by unflattering silhouettes every time. [I've purchased three Marc Jacobs dresses total, all of them size 2s, and all of them slightly too large and in charge, so I never wear any of them. Which means I either need to sell them, or alter them. Decisions, decisions...] But yeah, so I was messing around with this one, trying to see how I could wear it, and/or style it to sell. This is what I came up with in fifteen minutes, before I got sidetracked by some soup and an episode of Law & Order: SVU. I added a skinny belt that you can't see to make it fit better and of course show off a little more of my extremely sexy calves or whatever. The glasses are faux wood ones I have been meaning to fill with sunglass lenses, so I don't end up looking like a faux dork IRL. [IRL means "In Real Life" for all you people who somehow accidently stumbled on my site, were appalled by the fact that I'm a hoarder, and aren't actually internet nerds like me.]

faux wood glasses: Asain interwebz? $1O?

pleather jacket: Urban Outfitters; free because no tags/censor and my friend is a badass [shh]

plaid patchwork dress: Marc Jacobs; Ebay; $1OO-2OO? So long ago...

kitten backpack: x-mas present from the boy; he got it online from London

studded brogues: Dolce Vita for Target; on sale for $15!

trouser socks: CVS Pharmacy

the skinny

2011-01-25T18:05:00.000-08:00

I've talked about my friend Rachel on here before. She is very talented in many ways, as exemplified with her knitting skillz, but she's also a work of art herself, and I don't just mean that in the figurative sense. She literally is a walking flesh and blood canvas for many beautiful and unique inked on designs. Thankfully, we have very gifted friends to capture these beauties. Oh, and her legs ain't too shabby either.

First set by Candice

Second set by Rory

Also, there wasn't a good shot of this lil' guy.
Not colored yet in this, but you get the picture.
Meow!

Meowy Xmas, Happy Vaginal Release Day, and why Justin Bieber is ruining my life.

2011-01-24T18:49:00.000-08:00

I'm back.

These photos were taken by my hilarious and talented friend Candice Borden. I have a hard time not smiling for photos, and have actually been told to "relax [my] face" by the melancholy people of Misshapes back in the day. So since Candice was looking for some more serious portraits, she told me to pretend my hypothetical puppy just died. Which of course just made me burst out laughing...for some reason. But once I got myself together, I thought about how people are probably going to make some really hilarious comment about how I resemble Justin Bieber for the millionth time (which they did), and got super inspired to look incredibly pissed, hence the first photo. The second picture is the hideous result of me thinking about dead kittens or something. But yeah, I am a grown ass woman with tits and makeup on, so I'd appreciate it if one did not compare me to an adolescent boy who stole my haircut that I've been butchering on myself since 2007.

Anyway. I am now the proud owner of this handsome kitten backpack. The boy got it for me for me as one of my many cat themed Christmas presents. (There was also a change purse, which you will see later in this post, and a sweater, which you will hopefully see in a future post.) Now if only I could get my own kitten to ride around in said kitten backpack. Then my life would be complete.

Here is some more of my Xmas loot...

- vintage Dooney & Bourke "all weather leather" purses I bought with my xmas money

- books by my favorite hilarious sibling authors

- tiny wooden artist's model from my cousin

- aforementioned kitten coin purse

- wild cat skull with articulated jaw necklace

- Instax mini camera

After Christmas comes my birthday. I turned 24, or 14, or 87 or something. The boy made me breakfast in bed, took me on a horse and carriage ride with hot cocoa through snowy Central Park, bought me a delicious dinner, and let me win at Connect Four...four times in a row. The next day my best friend surprised me with this enormous cupcake at work. While I was home in Florida, my amazing fam got me this adorable metal kitten business card holder, for when I actually get my shit together and start making money instead of complaining about my boyish looks and professing my cat obsession on the interweb. My aunt suggested that until aforementioned shit is together, I could put condoms in it, and call it my "pussy tray". Words of wisdom? Trend setting? TMI?

Oh, and this is how my dad celebrates Christmas.

(Also, does anyone else drape Mardi Gras beads on their Christmas tree, or is that just my family?)

Ok, I think we're all caught up now.

Lace & Space

2010-07-21T12:28:00.000-07:00

My lovely and talented friend Sarah Culbreth has done it again!

Created something so beautiful and mesmerizing,

you just want to stop what you're doing and dream about it.

She took two of my favorite things, lace and space,

and injected them into this breathtaking feature for the ASVOFF contest.

All the stunning clothes were designed and sewn by Sarah herself.

She also helped direct the video with friend Chris Cameron who filmed and edited.

Music by Ian Power.

If you enjoyed it as much as I did, please please go vote for it HERE, so Sarah can have a chance to show her beautiful film and ideas with the rest of the world during this prestigious fashion film festival in Paris.

And don't procrastinate like I'm usually doing! The voting only lasts for a couple more days!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Can I be serious for a second?

2010-07-13T20:19:00.000-07:00

In response to this horrifically mind-numbing, dehumanizing, & vomit inducing article apparently written and published by former homemade lobotomy patients that like to clump human beings into single acronyms...

My response that I submitted to Teen Vogue:

"Maybe instead of telling impressionable young girls that it's normal to be in competition with other women, you should try giving them advice on how to be confident and secure with themselves, so they don't feel the need to compare themselves to anyone else. That way you wouldn't have to write such vapid articles that throw around superficial brand names and media stereotypes that apparently all teenagers should be aware of. That way you wouldn't have to compare human beings with all that aforementioned superficial crap.

This article honestly made me sick to my stomach. I am so embarrassed this was conceived, let alone published, by women who supposedly have friends who happen to be gay, and more importantly, that you would subject this vapid filth to impressionable young minds. I am still waiting for the day when there is a mainstream magazine that publishes healthy, helpful, humorous articles for young women. Instead of crap about "Mulberry bags" and "Eric van der Woodsen", when most girls these articles are intended for cannot even afford such designer paraphernalia, nor should they be watching unhealthy shows like "Gossip Girl" which promote deteriorating stereotypes and, hello, GOSSIP.

Use your power to help young girls feel secure, confident, and happy; not that they should have an overpriced handbag on one arm and some homosexual puppet on the other. You are teaching these children that all gay men are the same shiny new toy that all come in the same trendy packaging and when you pull their strings they all say the same sassy things. "It doesn't matter which one you pick, as long as he's gay he can be your new, trendy 'GBF'! Snag 'em up, while they last!"

A person shouldn't be friends with someone because s/he thinks there will be less competition. That is not a healthy outlook on life, and you shouldn't be promoting that to children. You should be teaching them to love and focus on themselves, so they don't feel the need to compare to anyone, and if they happen to find a friend who happens to be gay in the process, WHO CARES? A friend is a friend. A person is a person. This is just pathetic and disgusting, and you owe the human race an apology. Such a shame."

UGH.

Denim Blues

2010-07-13T15:55:00.000-07:00

As much as I enjoy the aesthetics of this photograph, I feel as if the burgeoning trend of shorter and shorter cut-offs lately has finally come to a head.

WITH THIS:

I mean, really? Yeah, that commercial is pretty damn cute once you get past the whole "sexualizing a baby" mumbo-jumbo, but what could possibly be next? Denim thongs for fetuses? I want to see someone really be rebellious and start sporting jean burqas. Until then, I am going to continue cutting my pants horizontally, instead of the shape of my vagina.

"Bittar Sweet"

2010-06-24T10:10:00.000-07:00

Alexis Bittar Fall 2010 Picks for Refinery29

I want it all.

But especially that jewel encrusted wood and antler necklace

that is so expensive you have to request it
(knowing you are ready to put a second mortgage on your house)
before they will give you a price.

blacknight

2010-06-22T20:52:00.000-07:00

I don't understand intolerance and discrimination. Not because we may have different beliefs, but because I can't understand how a human can be devoid of empathy. No matter what you are taught, how can you look at someone in pain and not feel for them. If it hurts someone, it's bad. If it doesn't, who gives a shit? Everyone deserves to be happy.

(What happens when I watch too many

BBC documentaries and Tyra Banks Show episodes

on Youtube at work.)

Wearing:

American Apparel Lace Bra

Bicycle Shorts from Target
Heart Locket I've had since I was little
(That fucking) JCPenney Comforter

Saturday...

2010-06-21T20:03:00.000-07:00

"Just got back from a day of the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens, Coney Island Mermaid Parade, a million creative pasty covered nipples, and my first sunburn in years. Time to cover myself in aloe and ice cream and go to bed."

Here I am at the gorgeous BBG...

And then my camera conveniently died.

So I didn't get ANY pictures of Coney. Where apparently you were a mermaid as long as you had on sequins, body paint, and/or were at least half naked. Did I mention I brought my dad to this? Well, we were just going to have a pleasant morning stroll through the beautiful Botanical Gardens, but since Coney Island was a mere twenty stops away, we felt the obligation to visit. And then all hell (along with everyone's tits) broke loose, as we stepped off the train and unknowingly entered the Mermaid Parade. I also ended up eating at a Chinese buffet restaurant where a lady in a motorized bed would ride up right alongside the buffet tables and shovel fried foods into her lap. Not to mention, on our way there my father bought an Egyptian themed paper weight equipped with a pharaoh's head and hieroglyphics, which he insisted on carrying around all day in his cargo shorts and whipping out every two seconds so he could rub it like a magic lamp, mumble some fake "Egyptian" chant and cast spells on the subway trains, traffic, etc. But then he set up my wireless router, so I guess he is allowed the occasional frequent chant. :)

Wearing:

Secondhand crop-top

High-waisted shorts, Fox & Fawn Vintage

Beaded belt, Fox & Fawn Vintage

TOMS shoes

Happy Early Father's Day

2010-06-18T15:56:00.000-07:00

I could tell so many stories about this man,

but what it all comes down to is he makes me very happy.

I mean, obviously.

Day 2: My dad is in town for an unofficial college reunion. Unofficial, as in only the "freaks" were invited. His words, not mine. And he just bought a Brooks Brothers tailcoat from the Salvation Army for $15 to wear with a tie-dye T-shirt and jeans to the "Freak Formal". If it tells you anything, he used to have a braid down to his ass, and after cutting it off 30 years ago, put it on his bedroom mirror where it still hangs to this day.

Day 1: My dad is in town and making a bed (complete with bedside table) out of my unpacked boxes. He also suggested we put googly eye stickers on every sphere shaped inanimate object around town during our walk home.

Note to my boyfriend who is conveniently currently out of town:

My dad has been in town five hours, and has already built a bed out of boxes, fixed that damn lamp, figured out what was wrong with my speakers, and brought up the word "testicles" into dinner conversation. He is now attempting to repair the pilot tube for that shoddy right burner on the stove. If we don't die in our sleep from gas poisoning, I hope you have prepared yourself for what is my father.

PS: He is also wearing a bathing suit to bed.

Flash Fashion

2010-06-17T14:06:00.000-07:00

Haha, so these are just a couple of fun "flash" pictures of two very talented and lovely ladies that I admire very much. They are usually creating the beauty, Sarah with her designs and style and Mary with her photography and words. But I like how here they are just being silly and carefree and having fun and living life like it should be lived. Flashing the world and not giving a damn who sees. <3

Sarah | Mary

Fawn & Insects

2010-06-17T13:30:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I don't usually talk about music. I'd much rather listen to it, or sing to it, or preferably hip hop tap dance to it. The conversation usually involves pretension, and honetly, I just don't give a shit what your high and mightyness thinks, and you should feel the same way about my mighty highness or whatever. But for the sake of offering something possibly new that you could possibly enjoy (rather than throwing about words such as "sellout" or "slut", which so many people like to hear themselves say) I will finally get to my point of this post.

Which is, Deer Tick.

Now I have talked about them before, as they are the band that my boyfriend tour manages and his brother plays guitar in. They are also insanely talented. Which is precisely why they were on David Letterman last night...!!!!

"Just got back from watching Deer Tick perform live on Late Night with David Letterman and eating way too many complimentary cookies and cantaloupes. The guys were amazing, but Letterman might have been wasted and the graphics department totally referred to them as "DEEP TICK" on the screen during opening credits. Hopefully they'll keep the typo tonight, and Deer Tick can look into a porno career."

Alas, they did not keep the typo, but it was still pretty hilarious (and mind boggling) nonetheless. Personally, I thought I was hallucinating. Thankfully, there was a room full of people to confirm I was not. If you did not catch the show, or do not even know what in the hell I'm talking about, and are still trying not to gag from the phrase "Deer Tick", please feel free to watch Exhibit A. I could try and describe their alt. country/folkish/rock and roll/raspy rough raw/but danceable/and sing-a-long-able/sometimes chuck berry-esque/best music ever...but you should probably just watch the video. And then check out the rest of their songs. Or not. But then you should probably find a rainbow to floss your ears with, because that's basically what happens when Deer Tick becomes in audible range.

EXHIBIT A:

Eye Vomit

2010-06-14T20:42:00.000-07:00

PSST! I GOT A TUMBLR:

Airborne Unicorn

It has things like this, and other random eye vomit.

Just a place where I can post photographs of the good, the badass, and the ugly.

Of the vintage, unique, and terribly cliche.

With no real theme or story or thought process whatsoever.

If I like the picture. If it's inspiring, innovative, hilarious, or just damn cute.

If it's an airborne unicorn.

The collar! The belt! The color palette! The haircut!

OH. MY. GOD.

Now if only I could substitute that cross for a dismembered

hand or something. Then this picture would be perfect.

My kinda breakfast.

My kinda summer.

I apologize in advance if most of my posts in the beginning aren't sourced.

For the most part at first, I am just going to be taking photo dumps

of the random shit I have already collected on my computer.

Which means I saved them when I was really lazy and

not expecting to share my treasures with the rest of the world.

But I promise I will do better from now on when archiving my little gems.

So for now, just bare with me, and if you recognize something,

please feel free to let me know!

Pattern Paradise

2010-06-14T08:14:00.000-07:00

This spread from Elle makes me want to drape as many patterns as possible all over my body and run through a field of daisies in brightly colored platform sandals that I haphazardly kick off as I jump into the arms of my lover who is perched atop a tree branch with his feet swinging in the cool water of a babbling brook. It also makes me want to buy a bucket hat.

PIES 'n' THIGHS

2010-06-13T13:22:00.000-07:00

Can you spot the winking, lip licking smiley face?

I wore this outfit a few weeks ago, but just had a chance to post it. The shirt is from one of my favorite Brooklyn restaurants PIES 'n' THIGHS, which is famous for their pies, fried chicken, BBQ, homemade lemonade, and many other Southern specialties. It brings me back to my (unhealthy) roots, haha. My favorite dishes there are the pulled pork sandwich, cheese grits with salsa, and of course their infamous honey butter chicken biscuit with hot sauce! My pies of choice are the banana creme and and peanut butter chocolate, but mix them together and you've got a taste orgasm. I told the waitress about my pie experiment, and she said she'd put in a good word with the chef. :)

(Psst! Even if you aren't fortunate to live near Brooklyn, NY, you can still order your own clever T-shirt or delectable pie here and have it shipped to wherever you may be in the good ol' USofA!)

Bowler Hat, Out of the Attic Vintage, Florida; Little Boy's Blazer, Goodwill, FL; PIES 'n' THIGHS T-shirt, $15, PIES 'n' THIGHS Restaurant, Brooklyn, NY; Cheetah Print Leggings, RAVE (haha) forever ago; Trouser Socks, CVS Pharmacy; Waterproof Oxfords, Alexandre Herchcovitch for Melissa, Ideeli.com

Pretty Little Things

2010-06-11T10:38:00.000-07:00

Meet Sarah Culbreth

My last post on frothy concoctions reminded me how much I wanted to feature this lady and her beautiful creations. Not only is she my good friend, cute as a button, and holding the same affections for cats, vintage, and having a big booty as myself, but she also happens to be an insanely talented designer and seamstress. I had always admired her own personal style, ever since I first saw her around at shows at our college's venue. But then I got a look at her talent! How she collected it all in 21 short years is beyond me, but thank goodness she did, for now I have all this eye candy and future wardrobe options at my disposal. Here is her junior year collection. I love how she styled everything with the braids and boots. The fabrics, silhouettes, details, and color palette are an absolutely perfect mix between feminine and edgy with vintage ideals. Needless to say, I am in love, and would wear every single one of them in a crocheted doily heart beat. <3

She also styled and photographed this beautiful little series of her collection...

Check out her adorable online vintage store Charming Kite, where she's practically giving away pieces of her amazing wardrobe! I have my eyes on these little numbers, but you should probably snatch them up first before I can add to my already debilitating hoarders disease. :)

Frothy Top(shop)pings

2010-06-10T16:09:00.000-07:00

I can't for the life of me remember where this photo came from, but it is my new obsession. I just can't stop looking at it. It epitomizes everything I love about femininity. The lace, gathers, sheerness, curved lines, structured bustier, and pastel coloring. The basic whimsical floaty quality it gives off is just breathtaking. And I love how it is still a little beat up and torn in places and was paired with an army green jacket. It still has that tough edge that all women ought to have. It shouldn't all be about daintiness and daisies . So here are some of my top picks from Topshop, inspired by this photograph and all things pretty...that I of course would pair with ripped tights and combat boots and maybe a black eye and a hand grenade or two.

Cruisin' for a Boozin'

2010-06-09T10:07:00.000-07:00

"Celeste Cerro is on her way to a free Deer Tick concert on a booze cruise wearing a nautical themed jumper."

This vintage jumper has been one of my favorite finds, but I could never decide what to wear it with without looking too themed or resembling a small child. Well, the perfect occasion finally came along to test it out. My boyfriend is the tour manager and brother/friend of the band Deer Tick, who I have recently become a huge fan of (the boys and their music). Monday night they played a private surprise birthday party on a yacht with musician and friend Jonny Corndawg, which I was lucky enough to witness. So my friend and I decided to dress up for the occasion, since we are both from Florida and miss the shit out of bodies of water and boats. She had already planned to wear the adorable new yarn trimmed sailor dress she just made, and so I went home to decide how I could follow suit. I had totally forgotten about this little jumper, since I basically haven't ever worn it since...well, ever? But as I was going through my many hoarded closet gems, the second I saw it, I knew it was the one. But what would I pair it with, without looking five years old or being too matchy? I finally went with this black bustier swimsuit top by Proenza Schouler for Target that I thrifted a while ago, and my beat up vintage oxfords with my pinky toe sticking out. I couldn't decide on any jewelry because it either clashed with the anchors, or made it match to the point of costume, so I just didn't wear any.

Vintage nautical jumper, The Other Side Vintage in Florida; Bustier swimsuit top, thrifted, Proenza Schouler for Target; Vintage cut-out oxfords, thrifted forever ago in Florida; Vintage quilted & chain purse, Goodwill in Florida. Haha, I just realized apparently I bought everything in Florida that I was wearing to pay homage to Florida. How appropriate!

Here are some photos from the night by Tracy Allison via Brooklyn Vegan:

Me in my nautical gear laughing at Jonny Corndawg's sweet dance moves along to the tunes of Deer Tick while circling the Statue of Liberty on a cruise full of booze (and cola). :)

The boy (Mike) and Corndawg. :)

And it looks like my friend and I weren't the only ones who decided to get boat cruise chic! Look at how festive the Deer Tick dudes were lookin'!

John decked out in his straw cabana hat...

Ian (Mike's brother) got leiddddd!

Chris in a fitting sailor's cap.

And Dennis rockin' out in shades!

Oh yeah, and then there's this guy.
I think he was the only one who beat us in the "festive" department.

The boat

Our view. :)

But yeah, you should check out Deer Tick & Jonny.
They are great dudes and amazing musicians.

True Story

2010-06-06T14:28:00.000-07:00

I would just like to thank JCPenney for sending me that window panel I didn't order. Although I guess I would have rather gotten that new comforter set I needed, a completely useless window panel never hurts! Also, I am so glad you decided to send it in such a large box, for if not, I wouldn't have been able to enjoy all of the lovely packing supplies you provided. I mean, using actual trash to keep that tiny window panel all sung in that oversized box? How innovative and resourceful! Not to mention that foot print and tire tread motif! You truly have a unique touch. I can't wait to order from you again, so I can get that fax machine I've never wanted wrapped in rat feces!!! YAY!

Let it Breathe

2010-06-06T09:18:00.000-07:00

This is what I wore yesterday when attending a free outdoor concert on Governor's Island. It was reaching 90 degrees, so I opted for a more breathable fabric, although I had to confirm with the boy that I did not, in fact, look like a hooker before leaving the house. My friend and I went to the show for a chance to venture outside of our Brooklyn neighborhoods, since we do live in NYC and all. A fact I constantly keep forgetting since I spend most of my time working myself to death just to sustain my food filled lifestyle, while the other time is spent being slightly antisocial and suspicious. The free concert, turns out, was a mix of stoners and prepsters, which coincidentally, usually make up one person. Anywho, the music wasn't really my cup of tea, which was made blatantly obvious from the number of swayers/arm wavers in the audience. You know the type. They look like they are trying to put a spell on you or something. Yeah, well that's about the only way one could really dance to this music, and after some girl asked us for some "herb" I knew I was probably in the wrong place. Although, it was pretty fun pretending I thought she intended to whip up a quick soufflé for an after sway snack. Anywho, after we had our fill of hippies in polo shirts, we headed back to the bigger island on the the ferry. Oh yes, the ferry! That was the second reason we went to this overcrowded second hand high fest. For the chance to be on a BOAT! I'm from Florida, so I miss the shit out of bodies of water and floating. It was all of five minutes long, but boy was it worth it the wind through your hair. So yeah, from the ferry we headed back to Brooklyn for some guaco tacos, cookies, and then I took pictures of myself (in my NEW KITCHEN!) and posted them on the internet.

These shoes look and feel like soft suede or something, but they are actually completely waterproof flocked plastic! I wore them because it was supposed to thunderstorm all day, but of course since I was prepared it didn't.

Lace dress, thrifted; Lace bra, Urban Outfitters; Bicycle shorts, Target; Super soft cardigan, Merona, Target; Beaded belt, Fox & Fawn Vintage; Elephant bag, thrifted; Trouser socks, CVS pharmacy; Oxfords, Alexandre Herchcovitch for Melissa.

Shades of Nude

2010-06-04T08:34:00.000-07:00

So I saw this fantastic "nude" sequined bodysuit on someone's Tumblr feed recently (if someone can point me in the right direction of where it originated, that would be most appreciated), and it reminded me of this amazing jacket I saw a while ago by the insanely talented Luxirare.

I mean, could a jacket get any better? Studs, zippers, buckles, lace, mesh, contrasting colors, anatomy, nipple rings, etc! All that and it doesn't look overdone, and is still beautifully crafted and flattering? How does she do it?

Um, is that the female AND male genitalia I spy in a single design? Just when I thought it couldn't get any better!

This is seriously one of the greatest things I've ever seen, and I'm mildly (ahem) obsessed with it. It is amazing craftsmanship + innovative design + flattering fit + humor + anatomy = perfection my eyes. All my favorite things sewn together in this one little jacket. <3

Unfortunately, Luxirare does not sell most of her clothing designs (yet!) which includes this little gem. But I guess we could always buy this:

And cover it in nipple colored sequins or stitch on our own vaginas! Finally, fun for the whole family. Anatomy lesson, arts & crafts, and teenage rebellion all in one!

Cat Shoe Fever

2010-05-26T13:09:00.000-07:00

And oh, I've got it bad!

No, I'm not talking about shoes for cats.

(For now, anyway.)

I'm talking about this kind of cat shoe.

A shoe for you, that looks like a cat!

I may be a fan of the whole multiple feline pattern Miu Miu has made so popular these days, but give me a break already. I want one big, giant cat. Or okay, two big giant cats. On my feet. Pronto!

These babies below are what triggered my cat shoe fever. I found them while browsing the Topshop website, and for once it wasn't the price that was their downfall, it was the fact that they were SOLD OUT.

DANGIT.

So I continued my hunt till I found these at Heel & Sole Shoes, which upon showing to my friends, was greeted with words such as "goth", "middle school", and "Hot Topic". Haha, yeah, yeah, I know they are a little "8th grade goth"-esque, but I am still pretty into it. I mean, those kids might have had some good ideas, you know? Plus, I was wearing pleather skirts with rhinestone belts and matching way too much in 8th grade, so I need to let my inner goth out. At least below the ankles anyway. I like these because they resemble the grungey Dr. Martens of the '90s, but still have that sweet Mary Jane style. And duh, there are cat heads (and tails!) involved. There are also other colors, if you'd prefer pink or cheetah print cats, but the classic black and white is my favorite.

See, they don't have to be so "angsty"!

These little kitties can be worn with anything from fishnets to pastels.

Or you can find them way cheaper on Amazon! Not as much of a selection, but I like these simpler versions better anyway, considering you already have cats for feet and all.

Or I could always learn how to draw and DIY my own!

And then there are these. Yowza!

Although now that I think about it,
I might like these kind of cat shoes better.

Either way! :)

Other than that, it's hot as hell outside,
and my boobs are melting.

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wheels a fortune

2010-05-20T15:20:00.000-07:00

Is it bad that I really want this bicycle I just designed with the Urban Outfitters "Build A Bike" website? I admittedly know nothing about bikes, but I do know that I love my color choice, that retro looking frame, and oh my goodness, would you look at that two-tone seat! Gah. I also know that $399 is so far out of my price range, it'd take me at least ten years on this bicycle to get there.

Urban also sells baskets,

which I would fill up with all sort of useful things like

flowers, sandwiches, a boombox, and kittens.

Or of course I could always DIY this thang. I'm sure I have some antlers and a few cans of gold spray paint hangin' around somewhere. Although, I imagine a ride on this could get pretty painful, not only for my phalanges, but also for the rest of the world, considering how many pedestrians I am bound to run into.

So for now I suppose I will just stick to watching cutesy homemade vintage music videos of songs about bicycles and roller skates. Ah, roller skates! A cheaper, easier way to plant my face into the pavement. If only I had more balance, athletic abilities, and/or muscle mass. I could have been so cute this summer.

Ah well, all is not lost! I can still invest in these adorable little vintage bicycle inspired trinkets. And dreams! I still have my dreams! Eh? Eh? Eh.

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Kicks Out of This World

2010-05-19T09:33:00.000-07:00

Oh, oh, it's magic!

Could these get any better? Fashion blogger Tuuli created these little gems for Dr. Martens 50th Anniversary a while back. Now what does it take to get these babies into production?? I'll be doing my part by wishing on a few billion stars and praying to the milky way.

UPDATE!
Speaking of roaming the galaxy!
Try these Black Milk leggings on for size.
And you can, since they actually do exist.
Sometimes dreams really do come true. :)
Now all I need is some divine intervention to sprinkle stardust on my toesies!

Curiosity, Cats, Clothes, & Crafts. (And apparently some alliteration.)

2010-05-18T15:06:00.000-07:00

I smell some DIY projects in the near future!
Curiosity killed the cat (and put his head on a hanger).
By the time I'm done decorating my new apartment, there will be so many cat heads and other kitten paraphernalia around my room, my boyfriend will start sneezing just at the mere sight of it.

1) Kitty Head Hangers: that make it look like there are felines sporting babydoll dresses and vintage sweaters hangin' out around my room. Check!
2) Now the only question is, how many extra dressers can I fit in my apartment thats sole purpose is to hold pussy-cats?

Stay tuned for the results! :)

Photo via one of my new favorite Lookbookers & Tumblr blogs via The Selby.

P.S.
Another new brilliant DIY concept?
Another future brilliant go-to outfit?
For my new future lifetime goal of cat walker extraordinaire?
I think, yes!
(If you squint, it pretty much already looks like me. Hell yeah, half way there suckas! Now all I need to do is round me up a couple a cats!)

Rockin' out in your shower never looked so good!

2010-05-14T15:07:00.000-07:00

SoapRocks by T.S. Pink

Now my bathroom can look like it did when I was growing up, with my dad's rock collection in every corner. Except now it just makes a little more sense.

"SoapRocks are very mild and extra long lasting. As they gently cleanse, each SoapRock will slowly weather away like a stream stone in geologic time, exposing the beauty locked within."
Yes, please!

And to make up for lost time...

2010-05-14T14:04:00.000-07:00

What's up with that dude with
the tiny leather shorts on his head?I see him around all the time in my neighborhood. I just assumed he had found or made this ridiculous looking headpiece for his 'fro to stick out of. But no, they are actually child size pleather shorts he is parading around in public with, and somebody has already written an article about it, entitled "Worst Hair in Williamsburg".

And then there's this: The Boyfriend Pillow.
Too bad this doesn't come with a penis.

And as of December of last year, there is now the new "Girlfriend Pillow", which literally consists of a plush female lap. You are welcome in advance for the great gift ideas.

Copycat

Oh, and can someone also please tell me what's up with Opening Ceremony's online store using cats as models? I mean I'm totally into it, I just wanted to know who's hand/paw I needed to shake!

Uni-corn Holders

I mean, the product name says it all. Corn on the cobb? Colorful decapitated unicorn heads? One big beautiful pun? Could there be anything better? YUM!

Summer Bum(mer)

2010-05-13T10:20:00.000-07:00

Summer = overalls & no shirts
You can find me barefoot and shirtless,
with a nice cold pitcher of lemonade.
Now all I need is a front porch. I miss the South.

So, what have I been up to during my one month hiatus from the blogosphere? Oh, you know, the usual...Working, eating, sleeping, having my roommates want to move and not take me with them, having my boyfriend on tour and everywhere but here for the past six weeks, apartment hunting, being poor as dirt, watching way too much Seinfeld and Law & Order: CI...yeah you know, the usual.

Anywho, I finally found an apartment! Very generous loved ones and 3 grand+ of fees later, and I am now the proud renter of a two bedroom, large kitchen, and the smallest bathroom you've ever seen apartment. Oh, and did I mention that all this space will be mine, since I will now be living alone? So although me moving came about from some unfortunate circumstances, I am trying to look on the bright side and using this shit storm as the wind in my sails to steer me in the right direction. Or something like that. Basically what that means is I am going to use the extra room and privacy to do projects that I have had on my mind forever. One being selling those 12 boxes of vintage clothes, shoes, hats, jewelry, etc. I had shipped up from storage in Florida. Two being designing and sewing again, since that's what I actually went to school for and all. Three being cooking more often and more complicated dishes. Four being updating this lil' blog with all of the above! So expect more outfit posts, sales, designs, and treats along with all of the weird shit I usually have diarrhea of the mouth about in the near future.

Also, I'm thinking the theme of my new apartment should be "Gothic Tea Party". You know, lots of floral, skulls, pastels, black lace, white lace, candles, kittens, cobwebs, mounted butterflies, dead things in bottles, delicate china, ornate frames, dusty bookshelves, blood, guts, cupcakes, etc...

Oh, and in other good news! The boy is finally back in T-minus 11 hours! Deer Tick show with long lost friends tomorrow night! And Sunday I'm not getting out of bed for anything unless it starts with B and ends in BQ! :)

And in the name of summer,
here are a couple of polaroids from our
mini trip to Coney Island the other day.

I'm wearing a vintage floral romper with some old thrifted teal lace-ups.
Rachel is wearing a thrifted dress she altered herself.

Not pictured: my non-matching bikini top & bottom because my ass is too big for the floral bottom and apparently now my boobs are too big for my sailboat top. Whatever, real women have curves, and who says boats don't go with blossoms? Both go well with warmer weather, right? Eh? Eh? :)

Sugar & Spice

2010-04-15T09:13:00.000-07:00

"Celeste Cerro decided to spend her entire day downloading new music & uploading it to her iPod for the first time since she got it five years ago. You can find her dancing down the street on her way to a museum exhibit containing "hidden, untouched and curious collections from around the world in photographs and artifacts".

Well, at least that's where I thought I was going, as I stepped outside in this ensemble last Saturday night. My dear friend and I were excited about seeing baby skulls and cobwebs and giant taxidermy creatures, but instead we were greeted by displayed photographs of skulls, and spiders, and disemboweled things. The only actual artifacts were a few teeth and some snakes in bottles. I mean, from someone who writes a blog entitled "Morbid Anatomy," you'd think she could have made it a little more creepy. So I took some complimentary wasabi peas and hit the road, which took me to pretty much the best place ever, totally making up for that less-than-morbid buzzkill. We walk up to this bar, and I am immediately confused and intrigued. As I peak inside, I exclaim to the doorman, "What is this? What are all those books doing in there? Look at those antique sofas! Is that a fireplace? Where are we??" To which the man replies as he stamps my hand, "Welcome to Hogwarts!" I. Could. Have. Died. Anywho, it's actually called Union Hall, but if you reference anything with Harry Potter, I'm pretty much sold. But yes, the entire bar looked like a quaint/just spooky enough old library, complete with antique sofas, cozy fireplace, vintage portraits, dusty books lining the walls, and random oddities like brass bugles and women's busts placed in between them. Oh, and then there were the two indoor bocce (ball) courts?? Did I mention this was a bar? I must go back to that little slice of heaven soon when it's not so crowded. I ended up at a few more bars, dancing the night away, until I ended up at a friend's house with twenty donuts (give or take) in my belly. Listen, all that excitement and dancing takes a lot out of a girl!

But yes, this is what I was wearing through all of that.

My friend basically described my outfit as two polar opposites
Religious up top, satan on the bottom. Which roughly translates to a less extreme version of: Nice up top, naughty on the bottom.
Actually, when I stood up at one point, some girl at the same table as me goes, "Whoa, those pants! I never would have guessed! What a surprise. I love surprises."
Bahahaha.

Vintage bow hat; Double-breasted wool coat, UO; Silk salmon blouse, $2, Salvation Army; Vintage woven bag; High-waisted disco pants, American Apparel; Vintage cut-out oxfords, thrifted; Boy & girl kissing silhouette necklace, charm I've had forever.

I also want to show off my new vintage midnight blue velvet Armani high-waisted wide leg trousers I got at the Salvation Army for $3.50!

I got SUPER lucky that day at the Salvation Army. AND to top it off and to my surprise, it was "Family Day" which apparently meant 50% off on half my stuff! I also found that little salmon silk button down the same day. As well as a perfectly shoulder-padded velvet bolero, and tons of lace. Apparently the Salvation Army is gettin' classy! Or the people who shop there are gettin' trashy? And passin' up the goods? Either way, I'm into it!

Here are some close-ups of the necklace.

And my favorite shoes! That are falling apart! Someone buy me these!

The pictures really don't do the pants justice, so I tried to edit it for a more correct color. Which obviously did not work very well, haha.

Till next time! :)

Side Shots

2010-04-13T12:01:00.000-07:00

So right now I'm going through this phase where I love off-centered portraits. And I have such wonderful photographer friends to capture them/beautiful friends to be captured!

Mary Virginia Carmack by Mary Virginia Carmack

Celeste Cerro (me!) by Sarah Culbreth

Sarah Culbreth by Dan Schmahl

Megan Gram by Daniel Diaz

Daniel Diaz by Anonymous

♥ ♥ ♥

Sun Kissed

2010-04-12T10:32:00.001-07:00

So in the name of summer right around the corner, and the fact that the photo below just popped up randomly on my friend's tumblr, I have decided to make a post about swimsuits. The aforementioned photo was taken at an outdoor concert last summer. I don't remember the stranger who took the picture, and pretty much forgot all about that day until one of my good friends told me it came up on her tumblr feed. And the girl who posted it is from L.A.? So who knows where my kiss covered chest has been. Ah well, here it is now!

Wearing: Kissy one-piece, Brooklyn Flea Market, $10. Acid wash shorts, Goodwill (Florida), $3.
I was so excited when I found this swimsuit thing with kisses all over it. I even haggled the girl at the flea market down half the price! The shorts are another one of my favorite finds. Although they have these awesomely tacky neon spandex bike short things sewn into them that I always hike up so they aren't visible. I still haven't had the guts to wear them pulled down. Although they are pretty fun to pull out at parties and confuse the crap out of people with. :)

So if you aren't into jumping into someone else's spandex, here is another alternative to finding your perfect beach wear. Design your own! This was the second bathing suit I've made. It's supposed to be inspired by the tuxedo with the collar, cummerbund, and black/white combo. Although, here's a quick tip: If you actually have boobs, you probably should not make the neckline go all the way down to your navel, unless you want to flash the entire ocean. Needless to say, I have to wear a bandeau top underneath mine...which I learned about the hard way. The hat I'm wearing is part of my vintage faux floral headdress collection. I'm pretty obsessed with those. Completely impractical, but so much fun!

Speaking of designing your own swimsuit!
Here is what my amazing friend Sarah Culbreth designed and made from scratch. Not only is she incredibly talented, but she's also super cute to boot! More from her magical fingers to come in future blog ramblings for sure.

Ok, so say you you aren't quite as gifted as Ms. Culbreth in the sewing department? Don't fret, there are still more options. How about a SALE? Everyone likes a sale, right? High quality designer threads for CHEAP(ER)? Hello! Here are a few of my favorites from Bluefly's extensive selection.

Salinas Swimwear Polkadot Bikini

Kushcush Aqua Keyhole Halter Swimsuit

Or Kuchcush's Leopard print one! Equally as cute.

Still not convinced? How about some retro looking ones without the fear or hassle of thrifting?

Urban Outfitters has some cuties...

Ruffled Halter Bikini

Calico Print Bandeau Bikini

Or if you are willing to shell a whole lot more outcha' pocket for a whole lot more cute, try Anthropologie's incredible selection!

Blue Jean Queen Swimdress

Calypso's Calm One-Piece

Natalie One-Piece

Buried Treasure On-Piece

And last, but certainly not least, my favorite!
Classy AND wet? Hell yeah!
To-The-Nines Maillot

And then there's this...

Is it just me, or are bronzed boobs a little pointless if you have pale triangles and lines scattered across your entire body...? My point is, most people go topless so they won't have tan lines up there. But what is the point, if you still get weird tan tines everywhere else with this design? Unless you just have really perky awesome tits and want to make everyone else at the beach have super low self esteem and/or boners. Then I guess it's perfect!

Happy hunting, and I hope this helped!

Jean-Charles de Castelbajac

2010-04-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

Bahahaha, is it bad that I kinda love this?

Hilarious and beautiful and animal inspired all at the same time? SCORE!

Hump Day

2010-04-07T14:55:00.000-07:00

"On my way to work a bug used my mouth as a windshield, and then I bungee jumped my earphones into my water cup. Which now means my left ear is water-clogged, without the benefits of an epic beach day or hour long hot shower. So I am treating myself to an extended lunch break and wandering around the city in purple shorts. Who knows, maybe I'll find a sweet muzzle or motorcycle helmet to keep out future pesky, kamikaze insects."

That being said, on aforementioned purple-shorted wandering, although I did not find any facial protection apparatuses, I did happen to discover a badass elderly man reading a book outside on the High Line. Bald as the day he was born and wearing nothing but cutoff jorts and a silver chain. That's right, no shoes, no shirt, but plenty o' skin!

After that I wandered some more. In fact, I wandered right into a "Family Day" sale at the Salvation Army, which means most of my purchases were 50% off! AKA I spent less than $50 on 13 amazing items!! I'm talking tons of lace, sparkly, sheer, silk, floral, velvet, knit, shoulder pads in a GOOD way! The whole shebang! I'll try and post pictures of them soon!

Now I'm just sitting here at work trying to figure this one out:

Whaaaaa?

I am, however, pretty damn sure I NEED this:

urbanoutfitters.com

Musical Wears

2010-04-07T09:04:00.000-07:00

What have I been up to lately? Well besides getting awkward tan lines on my lunch breaks and online window shopping all the beautiful crap I can't afford, I've been replaying the same two artists' music videos over and over again.

First I discovered VV Brown's "Shark in the Water," which not only sounds amazing, but the music video is incredibly aesthetically pleasing. She is probably just about the cutest thing ever in her pompadour, floral romper, and vintage looking bow veil headpiece. Even everything from the quaint little coffee shop to the polaroids to the antique radio. Gah. I just can't stop watching/listening!

Her other songs are just as amazing, but her other music video that I'm just as obsessed with is for "Crying Blood." That black and white mini sequined shift dress paired with her cute as hell dance moves? Seriously, could it get any better?

Then I came across Janelle Monae's "Tightrope" video. Holy crap. Talk about fancy footwork! I want to dance in those shoes with those people SO BAD. Janelle is so freaking pretty, making her androgynous attire contrast in the most amazing way. And her shoes! Oh my goodness, her shoes. Asymmetrical oxfords that let you slide around like that are pretty much perfection in my book. I've always said, if you aren't moving your feet, you aren't dancin'! The moves and style and personality in this video are just so killer. Not to mention her voice. So good. AND I just realized I could have had the chance to dance with her!! We were both at the MTVU Woodie Awards Afterparty, and she was up on stage with the DJ dancing her little butt off, while I was on the dance floor with everyone else. She didn't stay for very long, or else I might've gotten the courage to jump up there with her! She was just as stunning as always, clad in a cape with her signature poof and huge smile. At the time I had no idea who she was, although I knew she had to be somebody since she was in the VIP section and up for an award. I didn't think about her again until this music video was brought to my attention. And thank goodness it was!

Easter Hunnies

2010-04-06T09:47:00.000-07:00

The Easter potluck started off nice enough. I made strawberry shortcake. We hung out on the porch in the beautiful weather. Colored some eggs. Then six hours of beer, mimosas, and wine later all hell breaks loose, the dudes end up topless, Easter eggs are thrown, and the gyrating booty dancing ensues. I love my friends. ♥

I even got to wear my Lucca floral maxi sun dress it was so nice out! As you've probably picked up on, I'm just a teensy bit into wearing floor-length frocks nowadays. Getting girly without having to shave your legs? What's not to like? Here is a better picture of the dress. I love the back! And now I have a sweet tan line to go with it!

Now I want to know how the temperature can drop thirty degrees in two days?! What does Mother Nature have against the 70s? 88 is way too close to 90, and 58 is way too close to COLD. Don't we deserve at least a month of 67-77?

Listen, I recycle and take public transit. I even give people nasty looks when they litter. I bought a box of organic oatmeal once. It was gross, but I ATE THE WHOLE BOX. Doesn't that count for something? Is this about those 45 minute hot showers? Or the four rolls of toilet paper we go through in three days? Listen, if you had just given us the ability to fly, we wouldn't have all this pollution now would we? Just because you're going through some bipolar bouts of PMS does not mean your children should have to feel the wrath. Please, just one month where my armpits don't have to worry about being drowned in their own sweat or keeping my hands from turning into clawcicles. I swear I'll install that solar-powered hair dryer this time. I SWEAR!!!!

she and him and my nipples

2010-04-01T10:58:00.000-07:00

Last night the boy and I went to a semi-formal corporate private party, with a brief and bouncy performance by She & Him. The boy went for the free booze; I went for the rare chance to venture out in public in NYC in a floor length layered tulle skirt, and we both went for the millions of fancy-shmancy, mouth watering hour devours the size of silver dollars. At the beginning we were both chasing down the models disguised as waiters in hopes of some new tiny spinach souffle square or mini tuna wasabi tower, but by the middle of the night, my belt was pretty ready to divorce my high-waisted skirt, and I was waving them and their loaded trays away. I did however, manage to save room for a last minute minuscule bacon cheeseburger the size of a checker piece, and a shot of vanilla milkshake through a chocolate straw. Hello, amazing! And apparently I'm not the only one who enjoys a good floor length drapey bottom half. I got several compliments, and two online magazine editors asked to photograph me in my ensemble. Actually, who knows if it was the skirt or the fact that my nipples were probably showing through my lace bra and micro-mesh top. Either way, they were into it, and I was into the free food and swaying around to the sweet tunes of DJ Cutefest. (*Not really her name, but boy was she adorable and playing everything from "Mr. Postman" to Nancy Sinatra. If someone knows who she is and where I can dance to more of her, please feel free to let me know!)

Here is my pathetic "don't laugh/don't pout" smirk, along with what I wore, photographed by the good people at Fashionista. I walked in, surrounded by a sea of suits and ten foot tall models in 4 foot heels, with my 3 feet legs dragging my tulle skirt, and all the cat hair weaved through it, behind me. I was also offered all the ginger ale I desired, but alas, I had to stick to 2.5 drinks considering the fact that I would end up giving my skirt a swirly in the bathroom, and most likely walk out with an entire roll of toilet paper and who knows what else trailing behind me.

They literally said, "Get a shot of her bra." An hour before this I was discussing with my roommates about how my nipples were going to show, especially if I had my picture taken. Then my boyfriend was like, "Eh, we're already late and who's going to take our picture anyway?" HA.

American Apparel lace bra & micro-mesh button down; vintage skirt, belt, & bag; thrifted blazer.
Adolescent boy's haircut by me. Bowl not required.

Head, fingers, knees, & toes!

2010-03-25T11:20:00.000-07:00

Is it time to revamp your wardrobe? Well vamp it up with flirty faves like black mesh, ivory lace, and knee highs, but with a slightly morbid twist! Seductive and spooky? Elvira would be proud!

Hands Off Crop Top
by DimePiece

Crochet Skull Skirt

X-Ray Thigh High Socks

shopnastygal.com

Shoe Bizarre

2010-03-24T09:05:00.000-07:00

So thanks to a great tip, I have entered the extraordinary world that is the Virtual Shoe Museum. It features all kinds of amazing, unique, or just plain crazy shoe designs and artwork. Here are some of my favorite of the most, um, intriguing so far.

Witty Titties
by Kenneth Kirschner
What could be better than wooden clogs shaped like breasts? Wooden clogs shaped like breasts with a nipple piercing of your choice, duh! I'm pretty sure the website says you can substitute the piercing for a tattoo. Although I bet he would let you get both if you're feeling extra rebellious.

Tisshoes
by Masashi Kawamura
"The inspiration came from my childhood memory of when
I loved wearing emptied tissue boxes as a pair of shoes."
I mean, come on, who didn't do that? Now we can live out
our childhood dreams in a more durable fashion!

Dildo Shoe
by Michael Brown
Ahahaha, so this one is pretty self-explanatory. Although,
it does give a whole new meaning to the phrase 'foot fetish'.
The website also goes on to explain, "The selfmade heel is
in high quality resin. So if need be...the heel can be used..."
Um, how convenient?

Nervous Digitorum
by Eelko Moorer
"Boot with veins" or "boot with a nasty leg shaving incident."
Either way, I'm into it!

Bat Shoes
(also) by Eelko Moorer
These bad babies can latch onto the hand rails in subway cars.
Apparently, the designer came up with them while pondering
how to liven up boring and similar journeys.
"I like the idea of doing something that gives a person a sense
of relief and can cheer up lives."
Sick of that monotonous everyday commute? Bored on the subway?
Just slip on your Bat Shoes and hang out in style!

These next five fascinating designs were all created by Kobi Levi.
"When I design a shoe I think about it as a sculpture to wear, an art piece you live with. You and your body affect its look and it affects yours. Footwear should have its life with and without being on the feet, on the contrary to cloths that exist only when being worn."

Miao
I'm not really sure why it's named 'Miao'. Maybe that's
another way to say "meow", but I'm not actually sure if
these shoes are supposed to be cats or some sort of chihuahua?
Either way though, these shoes have tails, and I'm pretty
much down with anything that can give me paw prints.

Market
Platform sandals or melting grocery baskets?

Tongue Shoe
Alright guys, open up and say, "Aaahhhh."

Rollercoaster Shoe
Amusement for everyone!

Chewing Gum Shoe
Relive that embarrassing moment all day in these sweet
high-heeled tennis shoes!

And now for some genius shoes I would actually wear in a heartbeat...if I weren't so broke(n hearted).

2in1 Zipper (Nat-2)
by Stephen Yeung & Sebastian Thies
Not only are they chock full of zippers and a great color
combination, but these high-tops are also (surprise!) sandals!
Now we can hike or ride our bikes or play basketball all the
way to the beach and 'ziiiiiiip! tada!' we are ready for a more
relaxing, breathe-easy shoe, ready to be kicked off at a moment's
notice once we get that urge to sink our toes in the mud or
have a splash fight with our beach partner!

Animal Shoes
by Machupicchu
Beautiful shoes in fine crafted leather that have ears, and eyes,
and puppy dogs? Finally, my prayers have been answered.

And then there are these...

Jersey Boot
by Daphne Bikker
Whoever told her to sew her dad's old sweatshirt arms to her
mom's pumps needs a good, swift kick in the butt with
Michael Brown's aforementioned Dildo Shoe.

The Holey Shirt

2010-03-23T14:20:00.000-07:00

Bahahaha. God, I love a good pun.

shopnastygal.com

Sole Sistahs

2010-03-23T11:08:00.000-07:00

So remember when I entered that Lookbook.nu/Need Supply Co./Jeffrey Campbell contest forever ago? Well, I ended up being one of the three second place winners, which got me a free pair of Jeffrey Campbell shoes of my choice from needsupply.com. I chose some sweet plum colored lace-up boots, and thought that was that. But just the other day, as I was lurking the Jeffrey Campbell blog, I discovered that not only did they make a pair of shoes inspired by the two grand prize winners, but apparently they also made a pair inspired by my entry! They are now on sale for $115 at Need Supply Co. Now if I could only afford them!

Hair Raising

2010-03-05T15:51:00.000-08:00

What they really do with Locks of Love...

Actually...if I was terminally ill I think I would rather have this than a creepy old wig. Wigs are hot and itchy and unnatural looking. Whereas being bald and sporting a braided hairpiece necklace is badass.

This furry necklace by Grau Wal is actually made of synthetic hair, but it's more fun pretending it's from the human head. If I didn't have an adolescent boy's haircut I would totally make my own custom rattail neckpiece!

But either way, the Grau Wal "pieces containing hair can be ordered in black, dark brown, blonde, white, dark grey, and red." You can even get a matching bracelet too!

http://grauwal.com/collection.html

Make a Splash in Style

2010-03-05T09:18:00.000-08:00

For the past few months I have been trudging around in the freezing snow, slush, and small lakes that form in the dip between the sidewalk and street corners. These huge, deceiving slushie ponds are born to swallow, freeze, and soak my feet to the bone. By the end of the day I end up hiding under my comforter and sucking down smoothies, pretending I'm taking revenge against the icy wet monsters outside, by devouring their young one sip at a time.

Before now I have refused to give in to the proper waterproof footwear. I slip and slide and squish around day after day because I am determined not to succumb to the dreaded practical rain boot. As one might have noticed from this blog, I am mildly obsessed with shoes, and I feel a big, clunky rubber boot is just about the worst kind of insult to such a potentially beautiful craftsmanship. (Along with the infamous UGH boot and any other cankle forming atrocities. But we'll save that for another rant.) Alas, I am tired of trying to tiptoe around icy lagoons and ruining all my pretty little leather booties, plus Spring is right around the corner which I want to kick right in the ass with one swift rain resistant boot. So I went on the hunt, and came up with some surprisingly beautiful, stylish specimens.

Put a little spring in your step with these adorable
däv Floral Waterproof Riding Boots

Also comes in a sensible heel version...

Or you could just go straight for the entire pump,
with this chic two-toned waterproof pair.
Or you could just go all out and buy a COWBOY RAIN BOOT.
Never did I ever think I'd be singin' country tunes in the rain in such arid style.
www.davrain.com

These sleek Python Hunter Rain Boots
will eat those pesky snow flakes for breakfast!

These Tretorn Ballena Lace-up Rubber Boots
look just like your badass leather Docs, but can still kick ass at staying dry.

With these Dirty Laundry Double Dutch rubber sneaker boots, you can still have the comfy feel and classic look of your old Chuck Taylors without having to wring out the canvas when you get home.

But if you still can't part with your alligator oxfords or your sky-highs (for those of you more masochistic ladies), then here's another option: Swims shoe cover galoshes. They fit right over your favorite shoes, with a sleek style and comfort fit. The bottom has a no slip grip and they come in a variety of colors and shapes. The only slipping you'll be doing in these babies is slipping them on and off as you transform from stylish office babe to resilient weather woman in one quick swoop!

www.swims.com

Faux Toes

2010-02-11T08:51:00.001-08:00

How did I not know about these babies before? These Comme des Garcons gold, toe printed oxfords mesh my foot/shoe fetishes in perfect harmony.

They also come in black and white...

Or moccasin style...

I love anything that is so ugly it's cute.
Like bulldogs. And little old ladies. And beautifully crafted shoes with toes doodled on them.

And then there are these...

The first time I saw these in public I thought the person who was attached to them standing in our local coffee shop was out and about in the freezing weather with no shoes on. Because before such encounter, I was only aware that toe socks existed, certainly not toe shoes. I was pretty convinced this grown man was standing in front of me with only a thin layer of cotton covering each of his appendages. So of course I inquired about his public toe sock logic. He then informed me that they were in fact actual practical shoes on his feet. I then proceeded to laugh uncontrollably for ten minutes and carry on about how great they would be for climbing trees. Although, other than channeling our inner limb swinging primates, I really don't understand these five phalanged friends.

Except that they are fucking hilarious to run into.

Humble Abone

2010-02-09T11:04:00.000-08:00

Whether you are planning to redecorate your house in haunted mansion chic, or you are just as obsessed with anything anatomy related that should never be anatomy related (bleeding heart cupcakes, severed appendage earrings, screen-printed cleavage, vagina necklaces...etc.) as myself, then Vladi Rapaport's Vanitas collection is perfect for you (and me...or just me.) The anatomy inspired furniture is described on Rapaport's website as being:

"A collection of products inspired by the Dutch "vanitas" still life paintings from the 16th and 17th century. The characteristic type of symbolic still life painting is the one where the symbols of emptiness, time and death were placed on the canvas as a reminder of the vanity of one's earthly life."

Eh, while some people, including the creator, may find these pieces a tad bit morbid, I can't help but think about what a talented artist Mother Nature is for coming up with such beautiful, intricate, and fully functional designs. These concepts should be flaunted, whether dangling from our earlobes, conquering our sweet tooth, or brightening up our rooms and propping up our more organic, still attached feet.

Or you could always go with the chic haunted house idea...
Count Dracula always was a pretty snazzy dresser.

Skull Chair

Brain Ottoman

Spine Lamp

http://vladirapaport.nl/

Balloon Brooch Babe

2010-02-08T14:45:00.001-08:00

This adorable wooden and chain brooch was made by England based jewelry line Stolen Thunder, whose beautiful and unique pieces encourage its customers to steal back their thunder from the consumer led hunger for cheap, soulless items, mass produced without love or identity.

The delightful trinket also comes in white, and can be worn as a cardigan pin by fastening it to each side of your cardi. Here is how Parisian fashion blogger Alix wore her's.

stolenthunderboutique.com
thecherryblossomgirl.com

FOOT FETISH

2010-02-04T12:20:00.001-08:00

So apparently I have a foot fetish.
Not only judging by my blog's banner involving my own leopard clad appendages, but today while lurking through acquaintances' photography sites, I picked out a number of my favorite photos, not realizing that many of them were people's bottom halves. I'm not sure why, but a leg going into a shoe going into its natural environment just really gets me going.

Spring

Summer

Autumn

Winter

The End.

#1, 2. 4 by Mary Carmack
http://www.flickr.com/photos/where_it_lands

#3 by Andy Scott
http://withoutmagic.tumblr.com

#5 by Celeste Cerro (that'd be me)

#6 Unknown

Amorous Anatomy

2010-02-04T08:09:00.000-08:00

For all my single ladies out there who aren't planning on getting a ring on it by this Valentine's Day (I'm talking wedding ring, engagement ring, promise ring, complimentary onion rings...what have you) here are some sweet, cynical, and little more literal ideas to spend on the other single ladies in your life.

Heart Necklace
lilliancrowe.etsy.com
A beautifully crafted anatomically correct piece of amorous anatomy. It comes in many metals, but my personal favorite is this one in oxidized copper, which gives it a more antique quality, for those like me who are old at heart and obsessed with anything vintage, used, or ugly.

Bleeding Heart Cupcakes
http://www.yumsugar.com/1024600
Share your angst and conquer your sweet tooth
at the same time with these bloody Valentines.

Eat Your Heart Out Small Oval Plate
foldedpig.etsy.com
Perfect for eating your above hemorrhaging dessert on.

I personally find V-Day way more fun when I don't have anyone to buy me onion rings. But I guess I do have the bleeding heart of a cynic. I find cynicism funny. Perfection is boring, and no one else wants to hear how happy you are. Plus, nothing brings people together like hating something, am I right? But seriously, I enjoy painting my nails black (like my soul) and my lips (blood) red, getting pumped to "Sex Bomb", wishing people a happy Venereal Disease, and exchanging goodies with people who I know will never break my heart or make me incinerate perfectly good jewelry, underwear, or photobooth pictures a year from now. Unfortunately, this year I have a super sweet someone who already brings me chocolates, buys me dinner, and whispers sweet nothings in my ear year-round, so Valentine's Day is going to have a hard time feeling special. So all you single ladies out there, paint your pouts, exchange some angsty amorous anatomy, juggle some hearts, and rage a little harder for me next Sunday, as I will be wallowing in the arms of my loved one. Or you could just ban together and talk mad shit about me. Whatever makes your bloody Valentine's extra sweet. :)

Hopeless Romantic

2010-02-03T13:20:00.000-08:00

Valentine Voyage

Basically if Bettie Page threw up on Chanel who then had a love child with Alexa Chung, who happened to ride everywhere on unicorns and rainbows and had an insatiable appetite for sex and cream puffs...this would be the muse for the lingerie line Hopeless, formed by Aussie sister team Gabrielle and Dominique Adamidis. According to the duo, their third collection, "The Voyage", is "based on Steven Spielberg's Jaws. Taking inspiration from the sharks teeth, the blood in the ocean and the waves of the sea." I'd say it's basically the cutest thing I've ever seen, beating out baskets of puppies and babies in costumes. With high-waisted bottoms and frills galore, these girls know how to mix vintage with feminine and make it sexy. Perfect for a Valentine's Day voyage through a sea of sheets...or to just stare at yourself in the mirror while you feed yourself chocolates and recognize how unlucky every boy (or girl) in the world is for not scooping you up sooner.

Here is another collection of theirs, inspired by the singing garden in "Alice in Wonderland". They cleverly played with the petal shapes which translated into these beautiful and innovative designs.

This next set was based on Audrey Hepburn's character 'Holly Golightly' in the film "Breakfast at Tiffany's". The black and white is chic, the silhouettes are sexy, the details are feminie, the style is vintage, but the whole ensemble is Hopelessly unique.

Hopeless also makes all sorts of adorable bow head/hair pieces. Here are just a couple to get your mouth watering before you check out their online Etsy store chocked full of silky confections!

Hopeless.etsy.com

Wonlist!

2010-01-08T15:35:00.000-08:00

Here is a list of items recently coveted
and now the property of yours truly:

Two-tone Boots

urbanoutfitters.com

Lace Bow Front Top

Studded Bow Headband

Satin Chain Necklace w/ Removable Brooches

Native Bead Necklace

Pearlescent Cluster Ring

Corduroy Floral Spaghetti Top

Tutu Mesh Skirt

forever21.com

Libby Wingtips

Bessy Boot in Olive

These shoes are so freaking comfortable. And since all I do is walk around NYC and dance the night away, these are completely justified. And adorable.

tictactoes.com

Symmetry Satin Dress
Perfect for Valentine's Day! :)

Thread Social Sleeveless Tulip Dress
For my birthday!

ebay.com

Seinfeld Complete Series Box Set
(!!!!)

amazon.com

Although, I guess it wasn't the best idea to acquire all this lovely apparel if all I'm going to be doing is watching Seinfeld 24/7...Whoops! ;)

BUTT WHY

2009-11-23T07:45:00.000-08:00

Apparently the latest fad in Japan is wearing a faux assless skirt.
Basically painting (a probably nicer version of) what one's clothing is meant to be hiding. Makes perfect sense, right?
You can get just about whatever style you want too:
Floral, lace, thongs, wedgies, granny-panties, hell, even falling off!
They are even appropriate work attire apparently!
I just can't wait to for this trend to hit the the U.S.
I wonder if car accidents have peaked since this cheeky trend, what with all the double-takes and all...

A special thanks goes out to my father who e-mailed me such a gem of information!

Naughty or Nice?

2009-11-23T07:37:00.000-08:00

INAPPROPRIATE? OR THE NEW FESTIVE COUGAR X-MAS SWEATER?

Goodness gracious, who posed this shot? Just look at her face... It totally looks like she's about to get molested by Santa again, but knows she can do nothing about it because, duh, it's SANTA. Yeah, go ahead, get Santa thrown in jail. RUIN CHRISTMAS FOR EVERY LITTLE BOY AND GIRL IN THE WORLD. She knows she has to take one for the team. Womp, womp.

OVERALL AGREEMENT

2009-11-23T07:20:00.000-08:00

Who wants to help me bring overalls back?

Morbid Nostalgia

2009-10-20T14:03:00.000-07:00

I really don't even know where to start...
I mean, we are talking about amputated appendage jewelry here.
I can just picture this person sitting home alone, chopping up Barbie Dolls and humming to herself while she paints teeny tiny toenails and creates pools of fake blood.

"How many toy ants should I put in this miniature pink plastic bowl, so as to be creepy enough, but not to overwhelm the estranged high-heeled foot...?"

High-five for hand filled goblets!

I am pretty partial to the brooches...

I'm not even religious, but I would wear the heck out of this!

Twinkle toes hangin' from your ear lobes!

Barbie ate the rest of her body with that knife and fork.

Who would have thought to combine pink plastic childhood nostalgia with insects, blood, and amputation, let alone hang it on a chain around their neck? The creator goes on to insist that, "I have an obsession with dolls, and I thought it would be great if I could carry it around with me."
Haha, right of course, great point!
All I know, is that I am going to get so many double-takes when I go to church with dismembered ballet legs dangling from my ears. Can't wait!

TeaDollHouse.esty.com

Spine Tingling Adornment

2009-10-19T19:27:00.000-07:00

I am so sad that bocagenewyork.com is sold out of their Snake Vertebrae Beads. Now what am I going to make my grandmother for Christmas??

But seriously, how badass would you be walking around, going to the post office, brushing your teeth...with a goddamn snake spine wrapped around your neck?

Dali Body Part Bling

2009-10-13T17:04:00.000-07:00

Leaf veined hands you can wear on your ears or pinned to your chest? A diamond encrusted crying eyeball watch? Bling bling appendages for flower petals? Um, YES PLEASE. Dali knew what was up! I actually discovered these little gems pretty randomly. I was just walking down Bedford (a popular street in Williamsburg) sifting through all the books they sell on the side of the road, when I came upon a book devoted entirely to Dali's jewelry designs. How I was not graced with their presence before baffles me. You can view them all, and actually purchase replicas, at www.salvadordalimuseum.org. In addition to the Leaf Vein Hands being my favorite, I am pretty partial to the Living Flower Pin.

Leaf Vein Hand Earrings

Ruby Lips Pin

Eye of Time Pin

This Living Flower pendant would be even better if the hands moved on their own and grabbed flies and loose strands of hair and such.

In addition to the body part bling, I am also quite fond of this Space Elephant brooch.

I also kind of want this as a pet. How do you think I would go about breeding something like that?

The website also had "Dali Inspired" pieces.

Which involved melting clock wristwatches, that I'm pretty into.

As well as these, which I am really confused about. Can someone please refresh my memory as to the correlation between Salvador Dali and dangly, silver-plated clumps of dead baby fairy skulls? Anyone?

Animal (Foot) Prints

2009-10-12T19:30:00.000-07:00

What girl wouldn't want a high-heeled horse hoof

in her shoe collection?

I mean, come on, they have ZIPPERS! TRENDY!

I took this photo at an art show this past weekend. This dude did the taxidermy on these babies himself. And he has the photographs tacked to his bulletin board to prove it. These things were so visually stimulating my mind almost exploded when I saw them. If my brain was capable of a vomit orgasm it would have had three.

The same art show entailed enlarged horse genitalia molds attached to life size horses in sexual positions and candy house santa head porn. This night also involved pizza pit stops, men with lollipops, sober bar hopping in an office chair, and dancing till your feet fall off. Honestly, what more could a girl want?

Imprisoned Adornment

2009-10-07T22:12:00.000-07:00

Who wants to help me start a caged naked child necklace trend?

We could call it CN².

Eh, eh?

Renne Beggsmith

"Another Girl"

Sole Mates

2009-10-07T21:54:00.000-07:00

Note: I submitted this to LOOKBOOK.nu for their "Make It With Jeffrey Campbell" contest. The grand prize is a chance to design your dream shoe with Jeffrey Campbell himself. Here is my entry. You can find it at http://lookbook.nu/look/260389-Sole-Mates, if you are on LB and want to help my broke/shoe obsessed ass by hyping it.

I will describe the perfect pair of shoes with the five C’s:

Classic: They never go out of style. There is a vintage, timeless appeal.

Creative: But with a unique, innovative twist that makes them stand out from the rest and adds a ‘pop’ to any outfit.

Contrast: Mixed materials and two-toned shoes have such a better kick to them. Pun intended.

Cut-outs: Not only do they let your feet breathe, but they add a sort of artistic craftsmanship that just isn’t seen often enough. I mean oxford style, skeleton effect, shapes, slits, woven, what have you. You cut it out, and I’ll eat it up.

Comfort: Last, but certainly not least, I cannot and will not wear a shoe that is uncomfortable. I know there are tons of “fashionistas” out there that worship their stilettos and may actually stab me in the heart with one just to get their perfectly manicured hands on a pair of diamond encrusted Manolos, but to me, comfort is key. When I am comfortable, I am confident, and confidence is what convinces the world you are actually hot and desirable despite your scoliosis and backne. Besides, shoes are technically meant to protect your feet, not make them bleed and blister and swell to the size of basketballs. Basically what it comes down to is if I can’t dance in ‘em, I don’t want ‘em, because honestly, what’s the point of life if you can’t bust a move at the drop of a diamond encrusted hat?

Now why do I deserve to design a shoe with Jeffrey Campbell? Well, I’ve walked in the best (and worst) of them. I’ve danced, walked, and stalked in every kind of shoe imaginable, from feather-trimmed cowboy boots to teal faux croc wedges to silver moonboot galoshes. (Yes, I’ve also learned from my mistakes). I’ve scoured thrift stores, upon vintage stores, upon Shoe Manias, upon the internet abyss, upon European flea markets, upon stores that probably paid ten times as much for their doormat than I could ever hope to get for my entire soul, looking for that one perfect pair. Of course, just like finding the right (wo)man, you never can seem to find the exact match you are looking for. You just pick and choose adjectives from the lot and end up with this huge list of “What Makes the Perfect One” without actually ever getting there. Well, as much as I would love to be able to create my very own perfect man, I don’t think we actually have that technology yet, (keep your fingers crossed!) but it is possible to design my perfect shoe. And who better to do it with than the king of classy innovation himself, Jeffrey Campbell? Please Mr. Campbell, help me make my Sole Mate!

All the best,

Celeste Cerro

Bloody Good

2009-10-06T16:13:00.000-07:00

Vampire Bear Necklace

Beary cute. Bloody awesome.

Honestly, what more could you ask for than a

rabid, neck-munching polymer clay teddy dangling in front of your chest?

I can think of very few things.

One might involve a giant, floating trampoline.

DeliciousHobo.etsy.com

FOOT LOOSE

2009-10-06T16:06:00.000-07:00

Just thought you should know that not only do bell bottom tights exist, but that you can purchase them on Bedford Avenue in Brooklyn, NY for a mere $31.95. I do believe tights were given their name for a reason, meaning that they shouldn’t be loose anywhere…especially the ankle.

shop.emiliocavallini.com

Modest Cleavage

2009-09-28T09:15:00.000-07:00

Prostitutes, hippies, adolescent boys, and ironic hipsters everywhere can now rest easy knowing there is a way to expose someone's breasts in public and not be entirely shunned by society and/or fined. Mom won't let you wear that slutty top to Saturday's roller rink lock-in? Well now you can show her! Be artistic and screen-print your cleavage on a modest T-shirt! I can't wait to see a copy of urban city high schools' dress code in five years.

2005: No low cut tops, baggy trousers, or bra straps showing.

2014: Also, no breasts on your T-shirts or vaginas tattooed to your kneecaps.

2015: Actually, no reproductive anatomy paraphernalia in general.

2020: If you have an ass tattooed to your bicep, you sure as hell better wear a sweater, and if your sweater has a penis embroidered on it make sure you bring a jacket.

But all kidding aside.

I kind of love this photograph and how it decapitates and almost androgenizes the wearer.

I would also probably wear this in a heartbeat.

So who wants to be my prototype/inspiration for a jumpsuit?