Pleather & Lace

I wore this last night thinking I was headed to a 90s Grunge Prom Party, but my girlfriend wasn't feeling up to it, and the boys apparently aren't as into dancing to Spice Girls and Nirvana in flannel and lace as I am. So I stayed home with the dudes and watched nightmare inducing movies involving serial killers and incest. Clearly I need some more girl friends. Also, the skull charm's jaw is articulated, and can chomp down on unsuspecting pinkies and flies and miniature pastries and things. Then to keep up with the theme, my boots' heel also became articulated at some point during the night, and was snacking on large amounts of snow and mud and causing a racket every time I took a step. 

skull necklace w/ articulated jaw: DIY w/ charm I found

boots: TODS thrifted at Goodwill for $15

green army jacket: Urban Outfitters

tights & socks: American Apparel

kitten backpack: gift from the boy

blue flannel: thrifted forever ago

pleather jacket: free from UO

pleather shorts: Forever 21

lace corset: thrifted

Modern Cat Lady

So lately I've been trying to organize the results of my life-long hoarder's disease, and decide what to keep, what to give to charity, what to incinerate, and last but not least, what to sell to you lovely people on my Etsy site. Anyway, this little plaid patchwork Marc Jacobs number jumped out at me from one of my many dust covered boxes I had shipped up here from Florida. I had gotten it off the internet for super cheap [cheap as designer standards go, anyway] at least five years ago. I've barely ever worn it though, because  apparently designers design clothes for models and people with torsos twice as tall as mine. My frame is just too miniscule, and gets swallowed by unflattering silhouettes every time. [I've purchased three Marc Jacobs dresses total, all of them size 2s, and all of them slightly too large and in charge, so I never wear any of them. Which means I either need to sell them, or alter them. Decisions, decisions...] But yeah, so I was messing around with this one, trying to see how I could wear it, and/or style it to sell. This is what I came up with in fifteen minutes, before I got sidetracked by some soup and an episode of Law & Order: SVU. I added a skinny belt that you can't see to make it fit better and of course show off a little more of my extremely sexy calves or whatever. The glasses are faux wood ones I have been meaning to fill with sunglass lenses, so I don't end up looking like a faux dork IRL. [IRL means "In Real Life" for all you people who somehow accidently stumbled on my site, were appalled by the fact that I'm a hoarder, and aren't actually internet nerds like me.]

faux wood glasses: Asain interwebz? $1O?

pleather jacket: Urban Outfitters; free because no tags/censor and my friend is a badass [shh]

plaid patchwork dress: Marc Jacobs; Ebay; $1OO-2OO? So long ago...

kitten backpack: x-mas present from the boy; he got it online from London

studded brogues: Dolce Vita for Target; on sale for $15!

trouser socks: CVS Pharmacy

the skinny

I've talked about my friend Rachel on here before. She is very talented in many ways, as exemplified with her knitting skillz, but she's also a work of art herself, and I don't just mean that in the figurative sense. She literally is a walking flesh and blood canvas for many beautiful and unique inked on designs. Thankfully, we have very gifted friends to capture these beauties. Oh, and her legs ain't too shabby either.

First set by Candice 

Second set by Rory


Also, there wasn't a good shot of this lil' guy.
Not colored yet in this, but you get the picture.
Meow!

Meowy Xmas, Happy Vaginal Release Day, and why Justin Bieber is ruining my life.

I'm back.

These photos were taken by my hilarious and talented friend Candice Borden. I have a hard time not smiling for photos, and have actually been told to "relax [my] face" by the melancholy people of Misshapes back in the day. So since Candice was looking for some more serious portraits, she told me to pretend my hypothetical puppy just died. Which of course just made me burst out laughing...for some reason. But once I got myself together, I thought about how people are probably going to make some really hilarious comment about how I resemble Justin Bieber for the millionth time (which they did), and got super inspired to look incredibly pissed, hence the first photo. The second picture is the hideous result of me thinking about dead kittens or something. But yeah, I am a grown ass woman with tits and makeup on, so I'd appreciate it if one did not compare me to an adolescent boy who stole my haircut that I've been butchering on myself since 2007.

Anyway. I am now the proud owner of this handsome kitten backpack. The boy got it for me for me as one of my many cat themed Christmas presents. (There was also a change purse, which you will see later in this post, and a sweater, which you will hopefully see in a future post.) Now if only I could get my own kitten to ride around in said kitten backpack. Then my life would be complete.

Here is some more of my Xmas loot...

- vintage Dooney & Bourke "all weather leather" purses I bought with my xmas money

- books by my favorite hilarious sibling authors

- tiny wooden artist's model from my cousin

- aforementioned kitten coin purse

- wild cat skull with articulated jaw necklace

- Instax mini camera

After Christmas comes my birthday. I turned 24, or 14, or 87 or something. The boy made me breakfast in bed, took me on a horse and carriage ride with hot cocoa through snowy Central Park, bought me a delicious dinner, and let me win at Connect Four...four times in a row. The next day my best friend surprised me with this enormous cupcake at work. While I was home in Florida, my amazing fam got me this adorable metal kitten business card holder, for when I actually get my shit together and start making money instead of complaining about my boyish looks and professing my cat obsession on the interweb. My aunt suggested that until aforementioned shit is together, I could put condoms in it, and call it my "pussy tray". Words of wisdom? Trend setting? TMI?

Oh, and this is how my dad celebrates Christmas. 

(Also, does anyone else drape Mardi Gras beads on their Christmas tree, or is that just my family?)

Ok, I think we're all caught up now.

Lace & Space

My lovely and talented friend Sarah Culbreth has done it again!

Created something so beautiful and mesmerizing,

you just want to stop what you're doing and dream about it.

She took two of my favorite things, lace and space, 

and injected them into this breathtaking feature for the ASVOFF contest.

All the stunning clothes were designed and sewn by Sarah herself.

She also helped direct the video with friend Chris Cameron who filmed and edited.

Music by Ian Power.

If you enjoyed it as much as I did, please please go vote for it HERE, so Sarah can have a chance to show her beautiful film and ideas with the rest of the world during this prestigious fashion film festival in Paris.

And don't procrastinate like I'm usually doing! The voting only lasts for a couple more days!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Can I be serious for a second?

In response to this horrifically mind-numbing, dehumanizing, & vomit inducing article apparently written and published by former homemade lobotomy patients that like to clump human beings into single acronyms...

My response that I submitted to Teen Vogue:


"Maybe instead of telling impressionable young girls that it's normal to be in competition with other women, you should try giving them advice on how to be confident and secure with themselves, so they don't feel the need to compare themselves to anyone else. That way you wouldn't have to write such vapid articles that throw around superficial brand names and media stereotypes that apparently all teenagers should be aware of. That way you wouldn't have to compare human beings with all that aforementioned superficial crap. 


This article honestly made me sick to my stomach. I am so embarrassed this was conceived, let alone published, by women who supposedly have friends who happen to be gay, and more importantly, that you would subject this vapid filth to impressionable young minds. I am still waiting for the day when there is a mainstream magazine that publishes healthy, helpful, humorous articles for young women. Instead of crap about "Mulberry bags" and "Eric van der Woodsen", when most girls these articles are intended for cannot even afford such designer paraphernalia, nor should they be watching unhealthy shows like "Gossip Girl" which promote deteriorating stereotypes and, hello, GOSSIP. 


Use your power to help young girls feel secure, confident, and happy; not that they should have an overpriced handbag on one arm and some homosexual puppet on the other. You are teaching these children that all gay men are the same shiny new toy that all come in the same trendy packaging and when you pull their strings they all say the same sassy things. "It doesn't matter which one you pick, as long as he's gay he can be your new, trendy 'GBF'! Snag 'em up, while they last!" 


A person shouldn't be friends with someone because s/he thinks there will be less competition. That is not a healthy outlook on life, and you shouldn't be promoting that to children. You should be teaching them to love and focus on themselves, so they don't feel the need to compare to anyone, and if they happen to find a friend who happens to be gay in the process, WHO CARES? A friend is a friend. A person is a person. This is just pathetic and disgusting, and you owe the human race an apology. Such a shame."

UGH.

Denim Blues

As much as I enjoy the aesthetics of this photograph, I feel as if the burgeoning trend of shorter and shorter cut-offs lately has finally come to a head.

 WITH THIS:

I mean, really? Yeah, that commercial is pretty damn cute once you get past the whole "sexualizing a baby" mumbo-jumbo, but what could possibly be next? Denim thongs for fetuses? I want to see someone really be rebellious and start sporting jean burqas. Until then, I am going to continue cutting my pants horizontally, instead of the shape of my vagina.